How to Say No

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When you run an "energy audit" on your day, certain things keep showing up on the drain side:

• Informational meetings
• Interviews for candidates who won't get hired
• 1-on-1s with people who used to report to you
• Difficult conversations
• Non-functional group meetings

So what do you do with them?

Informational meetings

When your company starts doing well, people want to talk to you. They ask to meet for coffee. If you don't know the person asking, you have no obligation to respond. But some of these people might be old friends, friends of friends, or people who matter in your industry. You don't get energy from spending an hour with them — but you also don't want a reputation for being cold.

There's a solution.

First: decide how much time you're actually willing to invest.

If it's five minutes or less — call them immediately. Most "let's grab coffee" requests are really just one ask that takes a minute to ask and two minutes to handle.

When someone emails asking to meet, I call right away. They're usually available (they just emailed me). They're flattered I responded fast. I say I only have a few minutes but I'd love to help. They ask the thing. (Usually an intro.) I do it. Done. The person feels great, and it cost me under five minutes.

If I got the email late and they don't pick up — I email back and say: "What's on your mind? Happy to try to help quickly over email."

If it's something I genuinely can't handle over a call, I'll schedule fifteen minutes. Not an hour. Fifteen.

Candidate interviews

If you're spending time in every first-round interview, stop. That's what your team is for.

But sometimes you want to check in — especially for senior hires. Here's a trick: do it in writing first. Send a few specific questions by email before you meet. Ninety percent of the time you'll know from the answers whether it's worth your time.

The broader point

Saying no isn't rude. Saying yes to everything and then being distracted, unavailable, and resentful — that's rude.

The goal is to be genuinely useful in the small time you give, rather than half-present in a lot of it.

(Also: people respect a clear "I can't" more than a "sure, let's find a time" that never leads anywhere.)